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Take It To the Bridge

November 4, 2006

Good effing god! Contrary to popular opinion I haven’t been pretending to be ill – I did have horrid flu and then unspeakably painful twisted pelvis back trouble which meant I haven’t been able to move or hardly breathe properly for most of this week but after much pummeling and acupuncture – I am back (pardon the pun pop-pickers). Anyway – enough of that drivel – after an excruciating journey home which took as much time as it takes to fly to most countries in Europe – I’ve got home and succumbed to a bit of channel surfing. Was rather happy to see James Brown Live at the Electric Proms on the old favourite BBC4.


Having a bit of a wallow – I went to see James Brown after he got out of jail for the umpteenth time for assault and battery and waving a firearm around whilst pissed in the mid-80’s


and the band and indeed his corset are just as tight as they ever were. But blow me – who should he choose to do a duet with but the bloody Sugababes. Why? They are shit and genuinely look like they don’t know who he is. And bless him, poor old JB does look a little pre-senile and stiff of limb when he’s doing his fancy shuffle. He doesn’t look like he is much long for this world but is resplendent in a vibrant blue satin and lurex trim suit. He’s got a trio of fantastic backing singers which look a little like live home webcam porn mothers 50+ variety in straining silver pvc suits. They have great rhythm and knock Slugababes (yes – I meant to spell it like that) into a cocked hat. Oh and they have got two drummers which is just brilliant. Last time I went to a gig with two drummers was at the Astoria when I went to see Bentley Rhythm Aces in 1998 – which was a mighty fine racket.

I was going to witter on some more but think I might not. Back soon.

But for those (Molly and Holyhoses then!) who are interested – the wedding was ok – one of those where it is rather evident that it will either be a resounding match made in heaven or there will be a particularly unpleasant divorce within 18 months. All a bit strained and middle/upper class. The groom I overheard was in trouble just a fortnight ago when my friend (bride) came home to discover that her husband to be and trust fund coke binger had just lost ten grand – yes – TEN GRAND playing on-line poker. Added to which – in normal circumstances it would have been fine but he had just been cut-off from his inheritance by his viper of a mother for marrying someone (my lovely friend!) she didn’t think was good enough. She created a big scene at the reception and turned up late but I couldn’t really get to the bottom of it all – lots of hushed, rapid whispering and secret mobile phone calls before she finally arrived – VERY late and quite obviously on purpose.

Needless to say – it was a lovely wedding and great reception. Fine wine was had by all – and in fact I must have drunk quite alot as I realised I was sat next to the bride’s stepfather (early 60’s I think) and have a vague recollection of thinking ‘gosh this table is cramped’ and then realising it wasn’t – it was just that we were sitting thigh to thigh – his pressing rather hard against mine. I must have been quite pissed as I clearly remember thinking that I couldn’t be bothered to move my leg and quite enjoyed it. Tut! Weddings eh?! And I drove back to the B&B pissed with two ex SAS captains – a mile and a half through remote countryside on tiny roads – not good I know. And YES – we all slept in separate rooms just in case you were wondering – sorry – I’m much more boring than girl with one fat behind.

Had one of those hangovers where you wake up feeling absolutely great but then feel like poo once you’ve sunk the Full English….

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  1. Istvanski permalink

    That’s an excellent picture of Brown (I am of course reffering to the second one) there’s loads of character in his face. I recorded the electric proms thing but haven’t got around to watching it yet.<br/><br/>As for the ‘viper’ of a mother at the wedding, I know all about that kinda situation…

  2. Geoff permalink

    I once drove to a party on Bournemouth beach, got pissed and didn’t trust myself to drive back to the camp site.<br/><br/>I did, however, trust the person in our party who was most pissed to drive my car. <br/><br/>I suppose the SAS have training in this sort of thing.

  3. realdoc permalink

    Surely you feel like ‘a poo’ after the full English. That will sort you out.

  4. rockmother permalink

    Isters – thank you – leccy proms was ok but it was one of those things where I think you definately had to be there. Yes – the ‘outlaws’ are often tough nuts to crack aren’t they?<br/><br/>Geoff – yes – because the SAS boys told me it was absolutely fine I trusted them to let me drive – I did drive in what I call my ‘funeral cortege style’. I also knew that if in the extremely unlucky and rare event that we had been pulled over I trusted them to be the negotiators!<br/><br/>Realdoc – well, er, I did have a pooh too which I agree always makes one feel much better – it was more the blood sugar thing – big dip after a big breakfast – all quite normal really

  5. Molly Bloom permalink

    I love your description of the wedding RoMoster. I can just imagine you sitting there next to that man…but you really should have taken advantage of the SAS captains situation. I’m sure you could have engineered some kind of ’emergency’ for them to sort out.

  6. rockmother permalink

    Mollster – thank you. The SAS-ers know me too well for that – I have worked with them for about 15 years on and off. They are location managers – and very good ones at that – no hope of getting lost or in trouble with them around. Ooh Captain – I need a bit of navigating!

  7. Pod permalink

    thats hilarious. i love a wedding scandal, and if there aint none, i start one. you should see an osteopath?

  8. SimonHolyHoses permalink

    Excellent RoMo. Wait… TEN GRAND??<br/><br/>TEN GRAND??? Coughs chewed pork pie across the room at supersonic velocity… TEN THOUSAND POUNDS LOST ON ONLINE POKER?<br/><br/>Wow! You have some funky friends RoMo.<br/><br/>I used to know a lady called Lesley who was kind enough to drive us all home from the pound-a-pint pub in Brixton. We were all bladdered including Lesley. Of course we got stopped by the police somewhere or other while driving around in circles, and, (bless) she managed to convince them that we were lost and visiting friends. <br/><br/>She pursuaded them to escort us home to Camberwell. I think it must have been the sheer effrontery that did it. I can still see the image of that police car leading us home.<br/><br/>RoMo, I’m really pleased that you’re feeling better.<br/><br/>Ain’t it funny that you get those hangovers where you’re sparking at first light and then it all goes down hill.

  9. rockmother permalink

    Pod – hello! Thank you – I went back to see a chiropractor/acupuncturist today – bloody miracle cure – all sorted. <br/><br/>Simon Holy Hoses – TEN BLOODY GRAND – I know! It’s really awful – he’s a right dodgepot and has lots of dodgy society friends who take lots of drugs and have MASSIVE inheritances and evidently no sense! I feel a bit awful discussing it all knowing my friend has married in to life with someone who is prepared to lose ten grand on on-line poker on a Tuesday night before supper just like that….

  10. First Nations permalink

    I’m just enjoying it all vicariously. hangover and everything. except the acupuncholestery.

  11. rockmother permalink

    Yay – your Firstness – I was wondering where you were. Acupuncture was ok – cracking my spine and neck however were a little disturbing – I felt broken and dead for a split second and then slightly relieved that (a) I was still alive and (b) I wasn’t paralysed and (c) I could move without pain for the first time in a week.<br/><br/>Muchos besos xxx

  12. Pod permalink

    hmmm. osteopaths are more gentle than chiros, but if you have found someone that helps, good on ya. maybe your friend can siphon off some of the inheritance, i am sure he wont notice, or maybe you could even?

  13. rockmother permalink

    Pod – oh – it was osteopathy I had – I can never remember which is which – he still cricked and cracked but it was needed x

  14. Pod permalink

    glad to hear it. i wonder if i know him? he may know me coz i am famous…… ;0p

  15. rockmother permalink

    Pod – Garry Trainer – he is an NZ osteopath/acupuncturist and brilliant.<br/><br/>Here’s a link<br/><br/>

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