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Je Suis Un Metal Detector Man

April 29, 2007
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So while the rest of The Rolling Stones are literally rolling in it from constant sell-out tours around the globe twice over, Bill Wyman has launched his very own signature metal detector. See here. The site really made me laugh – it’s even got one of those special offers style stickers on it saying ‘as seen on Richard & Judy!’. I guess if Richard and Judy endorse your product then you know you’re laughing?

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At or with? And whilst we are on the subject of laughing – what is it about people with metal detectors that look so funny? And why would you really want one that costs twice as much as all the others just because it’s got Bill Wyman’s signature in embossed white plastic on it?

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Surely it should have some other unique features such as search-mode should have a repeat of Keith’s opening melody from Gimme Shelter trickling away instead of the usual beepy electronic drone? Or when you’ve actually found a penny or a discarded bicycle nut it could screech ‘Gimme gimme gimme your honky tonk blues!’. Yes, that would be more like it. Bill’s written a book too because as well as funding restaurants that give you sticky fingers he is also quite good at archaeology hence the need for a metal detector. To be fair – his is a special lightweight version of the usual lump that people lumber around ancient fort sites with their long-suffering children or annoy beach-goers on holiday with. Perhaps Bill will bring out a further signature range of special metal detector clothing – socks, sandals, signed Reactolite Rapides – that sort of thing…

Photo’s © Bill Wyman Metal Detector and main pic © The Rockmother in Aus 2003

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20 Comments
  1. violetforthemoment permalink

    Oh, bless him.

  2. Betty permalink

    From being responsible for the bassline on Have You Seen Your Mother Baby, Standing In The Shadow? to getting all excited about finding old bits of crockery and pre decimal coins on the beach. Perhaps he would’ve been better off if he’d snorted his dad’s ashes.

  3. Billy permalink

    Wasn’t there a Rolling Stones song featuring Bill on lead vocals?<br/><br/>Can’t remember the title, but it was pretty rubbish; although not as bad as <i>She’s A Rainbow</i> the worst rolling stones song ever.

  4. Howesy permalink

    I’m hanging on for the David St Hubbins model. A metal detector marketing war is predicted between Bill Wyman and St Hubbins . According to the man named after the patron saint of quality footwear, "there’s nothing as important as metal, so any help detecting it should be encouraged. But mine’s black and the buttons go up to 12."

  5. Istvanski permalink

    Bill Wyman is also releasing his own signature shovel – not to accompany his own metal detector set, but to make it easier for people to bury his crap solo records.

  6. First Nations permalink

    …making Wyman the only Stone deserving of anything like respect. at least one of them knows when it’s time to put on his hat and go home.

  7. Istvanski permalink

    I heard Mandy Smith used to prefer an old rocker to a comfy sofa.

  8. Istvanski's Guilty Conscience permalink

    Copyright – Dennis Pennis.

  9. rockmother permalink

    Violet – you’re so nice! x<br/><br/>Betty – I know what you mean – he looks a bit cronky doesn’t he?<br/><br/>Billy – the World of Twist version of She’s A Rainbow was good – perhaps I’ll put it on next podcast<br/><br/>Howeser Trouser – ha ha – very good<br/><br/>Her Firstness – yes – do you think he ‘got his anorak? – I mean coat’ x<br/><br/>Ister – that’s very funny – I miss and love Dennis Pennis – he was hilarious

  10. Arabella permalink

    What I don’t understand is, what happens when detector man actually detects something? He’s not wearing a shovel. Does he plant a flag and come back later?

  11. llewtrah permalink

    He needs the metal detector so he can find his glasses, hearing aid and gold-capped false teeth.

  12. Simon Hilton permalink

    Can we get a Heavy Metal detector for the office to help find some Motorhead to put on the stereo for when i get back please?<br/>lots of love &amp; see you soon<br/>Sxx

  13. Istvanski permalink

    Looks like you’ll have to buy the David St Hubbins model for Simon.

  14. Howesy permalink

    It’s also available in black…

  15. Howesy permalink

    None

  16. useful comedy sidekick permalink

    How much more black?

  17. Pod permalink

    like your new glasses love<br/>;0)

  18. rivergirlie permalink

    can you set it to find heavy metal?

  19. rivergirlie permalink

    bum! just noticed how unoriginal i am. my daughter, however, asked me if mick jagger’s girlfriend is an archaeologist – cos she must enjoy dating old stones. baddum cha!

  20. rockmother permalink

    Arabella – I think he’s got a scoppy thing in his other hand..I took the photo originally because I was taken aback by his sockage<br/><br/>Llewtrah – and his marbles no doubt!<br/><br/>Hilton International – yes all sorted – it’s called The Bomber!<br/><br/>Ister – see above – it’s the way I tell’em (to be read in a Frank Carson accent)<br/><br/>Howesey – black – yes.<br/><br/>Pod – oh ta love!<br/><br/>Rivergirlie – daughter of rivergirlie is clearly a genius!

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