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Motorhead – In Bullet Points

June 17, 2007

• Motorhead at the Royal Festival Hall
• In bullet points
• Because that is the easiest way to do it with a hangover

• It was very VERY loud

• It felt a bit like Rock Goes To College
• We missed the first 30 mins due to forgetting that it was The Royal Festival Hall and not Hammersmith Odeon ie: bands come on sooner rather than later in posh places
• And we were talking too much in the pub beforehand

• Stu thought that Jarvis Cocker had his own range of sandwiches out
• I said – don’t worry – it’s just that he curated the festival – not the sandwiches!

• Oooh we laughed

• Istvanski did a monster sneeze and tried to wipe his hands on Stu’s jacket
• We finally got into the gig through a special door for latecomers

• We were 6 rows from the front of the stage
• It was GREAT

• I leapt up and down like a small child and pointed and laughed at lots of funny headbangers

• At first you couldn’t hear a word Lemmy was singing – it was just a blurry loud rasp
• Excellent
• Phil Campbell had a great line in guitars – especially the Minarik Inferno
• Micky Dee did a ridiculously over-pompous show off drum solo that went on a fraction too long
• When Lemmy and Campbelll came back on stage after the drum solo they were both smoking and looked very cool in a rock type way. It made me want to smoke immediately.
• Lemmy spat his fag out across the stage before he rasped the first verse of Motorhead. It just lay there smoking by an amp looking a bit health and safety

• Lemmy was wearing calf length uber-sturdy leather boots and the most exceptionally tight black stretch worn jeans

• The jeans served to highlight his really saggy bottom and squash it even further south and make his tummy look a bit bigger than it probably is in a voluminous black shirt which was characteristically undone to just above the navel and tucked into his straining waistband
• He had his trademark talisman around his neck

• He looked cool and very much legend of rock – which is what he is I suppose

• Thom turned to me and said as we marvelled at Lemmy’s tightness of jean “He’s so cool isn’t he? Would you shag him even though he’s all sweaty and old?

• “No” I replied
as I scrawled “Lemmy – play Dirty Love for me I love you” on my ticket stub which I then tried to throw onto the stage
• Thom then said “What about Keith Richards? As he is now? Really old.

• “Yes” I said and we both laughed
• They played quite a lot of songs from the Orgasmatron album

• They played really well despite not being able to intermittently hear what Lemmy was actually singing

• After a slightly lame version (I’ve heard them do better) of Ace Of Spades for the encore they threw plectrums, a sweaty flannel and some drumsticks into the audience

• Lemmy left the guitars on and turned all the amps up to 11 (no doubt)

• Everyone was basking in the incredibly loud noise filling the entire auditorium

• Some were even still headbanging to it
• They seemed genuinely happy to see everyone at the RFH and went offstage smiling
• It was amazing despite the fact I still can’t hear out of my left ear
• Then we all went straight back to the pub
• Where it went horribly downhill

• Somehow we entered a pub quiz and I was having to write the answers

• I seem to remember encountering difficulty after the third bucket of rose had passed my lips

• Everyone was very jolly and we all had such a great time

• The rose finally got the better of me and I had to go and be sick in the pub loo

• Euuuuuwwwwwww!

• I thought I felt much better after that but it seemed that I might not have been able to walk in a particularly straight line
• I was most chivalrously looked after by Messrs Istvanski and Howeser

• The train journey home was excruciatingly slow and sweaty

• Another fine gig with great company

• Mine’s a fizzy water next time

Photo: (that’s me and Lemmy doing some after-show rose action backstage in case you were wondering)?

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  1. Simon Hilton permalink

    i am so gutted i couldn’t make it.<br/>gutted.<br/>gutted.<br/>gutted.<br/>so proud of you sitting on lemmy’s lap enjoying the ros??…

  2. I envy you too rm…..not the sitting on the lap bit…just basking in the presence.

  3. Annie permalink

    rock n roll!!!<br/><br/>very envious xxx

  4. rockmother permalink

    Simon Hilton international – oh we were SO gutted too. Big time. We missed you. Thank you for being proud of my bouncing up and down on Lemmy’s lap whilst glugging rosee. I think he liked it too.<br/><br/>Dickley – the basking was fab<br/><br/>Annie – it was great – I had a brilliant time despite having to avail myself of ‘the big white telephone’. Christ – anyone would think I was in a rock band – I’m not – I’m just as Istvanski so elegantly put it – a lightweight! xx

  5. savannah permalink

    i think i’ll start training..again…in anticipation of the albanian trip..or london..which ever comes first<br/><br/><i>cheers!</i><br/><br/>rock on!

  6. Istvanski permalink

    Another fantastic gig write up. I knew you’d do a grand job, even if it did expose me for trying to use Stu as a snot-rag. <br/>I’m amazed that you remembered all these facts!<br/><br/>"Fizzy water next time"?<br/>Your head says "yes" but your taste buds say "no".<br/><br/>Keef?!?!? Hahahaha!!!<br/><br/>PS: Iggy… *would you*? I had him once, never again. He was too rough.

  7. Istvanski permalink

    Simon – Don’t miss out on the next one (whenever that may be).

  8. rockmother permalink

    Savmama – yes – get in training – it is advisable. <br/><br/>Ister – thank you – I’m quite amazed I remembered all those facts too. It’s just the bus journey and managing to get off at the right stop which is where I have a blank. Every other memory is intact. Iggy – ugh no! Would be like shagging a sweaty whippet – no thanks – it was bad enough having to sit on Lemmy’s lap!

  9. Istvanski permalink

    I was gonna make a smart arsed comment re; sweaty whippet, but decided not to.

  10. savannah permalink

    probably a good move on your part, ister…*snickering*

  11. Howesy permalink

    Thing is RoMo, that wasn’t his lap you were sat on, his arse has sagged so much that apparently you were sat on that!<br/>Sav has asked me to get her e-mail address from you so I can send her some pub-quiz pics! I shall leave that decision up to you!

  12. rockmother permalink

    Ister – yes – I was bracing myself. Glad you decided not to.<br/><br/>Howeser – will do shortly

  13. First Nations permalink

    no way. no way. <br/>no way IN HELL.<br/><br/><br/>really?

  14. Remarkable Ape permalink

    Oh yes. <br/><br/>I remember. Leeds Uni. Some time in the 80’s. Oh yes. Give me a long haired wig and I shall bang with the best.

  15. rockmother permalink

    Firsty – whaddya think?!<br/><br/>Remarkable Apeth – Oh yes! make it loud!

  16. The Blind Man permalink

    Must say you’re looking remarkably edible in that photo. Not sure about the ‘tache though. Er… you are the one on the left aren’t you?

  17. llewtrah permalink

    Sounds good, even if he’s gotten a bit saggy these days. As long as the voice doesn’t sag!

  18. Annie permalink

    last night I dreamed I went to a swingers’ party in suburbia &amp; ended up in the kitchen sitting on Keith Richards knee – it’s <i>all your fault…</i>

  19. rockmother permalink

    The Blind Man – how did you guess?!<br/><br/>Llewtrah – it was great – and very loud<br/><br/>Annie – ha ha ha – that’s splendid! Good work! x

  20. L??st Jimmy permalink

    While roaming the infinite depths of the Internet for a quick visual fix and at the same time fulfilling my Motorhead craving I stumbled, happily, upon your Royal Festival Hall review. Splendid stuff!<br/>I’d say it was the best way to sum up things, bullet points. Love the photo by the way – so in a way I also got my quick internet visual fix too. I’d put it up on my Blog if you’d let me – er, please.

  21. L??st Jimmy permalink

    Rockmother thanks for dropping by my mediocre blogspace – of course it is your photo, let me believe I need to believe!!<br/>I look forward hearing more about your summer work with Motorhead – reports please on your Blog and if you have a chance a little word or two for this very Motorheadblog too!!<br/>Listen with Rockmother podcasts thanks, I’ll be download for a listen no doubt about that.<br/><br/>Have a great week

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