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Muttonmother

July 16, 2008

Oh dear – I really must revive my flagging blogposting-ness. I’ve been far too busy fending off 54 unwanted Hold’em Poker requests and Compare Your Friends Pants surveys on c*ntbook to even get time to concoct a blog post. I’ve even been enveigled into playing Scrabble at 08:00 of a morning and once been late to take the ginger Squidget to school as a result of feverishly ‘trying to place my bingo!’. For those not in the know of really important online things such as Scrabularse – that’s when you score 80 points with one word. All I got was a request to fill the late book and a bit of a scowl from the school receptionist. Cow.

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I made a purchase this week. I made a ridiculous purchase this week. I made a purchase so thoroughly ridiculous that when I described it to my friend Thom yesterday he genuinely snorted like a pig. I knew he wouldn’t understand – he was born in 1982 for god’s sake. Anyway, back to my story.

Are you sitting comfortably? (You will need to sit down – just warning you). Now I’ll begin.

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Once upon a time, I had a pair of trousers I was really proud of. It was 1979. I was 13. I’m not quite sure what happened to those lovely trousers. I think they were impounded and thrown away by my mother who was scared that I would ‘become wild’ if I wore them any longer. So this weekend I was working in Covent Garden and went for a bit of a wander into Urban Outfitters – a favourite clothes haunt of mine. I picked up this and that and tried a few things on. And then I saw theeeeeese:

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Pink and black faded leopard print very very very tight jeans. If you can imagine the picture above is really a much shorter 3-dimensional plasticine model and if you squash it a bit with your hand so it splurges out the sides and looks a bit fatter – that’s what I look like in them. Actually, not that bad but not quite svelte 13 again that’s for sure. I had a ‘hang on, do I look a bit mutton in them moment – for about a millisecond – and then in a fit of revisited teenage fever I bought them.
So far – I have worn them in the changing room of the shop twice (you see – I really did have to convince myself) and once in the bathroom at home. I was thinking recently that I should probably try and lose half a stone. I have done a lot of running in my head but so far not any real life running. I was sort of experimenting with the idea of whether I could indeed think myself thin? I bought the trousers thinking that they would be the catalyst for a rigorous self-induced weight-loss programme but rather fantastically because they are so tight they squidge everything cleverly re-distributing here and there and I actually don’t look that bad in them at all.

Goodness knows when I shall wear them but I shall.

mutton

Noun
1. the flesh of mature sheep, used as food
2. mutton dressed as lamb an older woman dressed up to look young [Medieval Latin multo sheep]

In the continuing absence of a Listen With Rockmother podcast please listen to this instead – it is much better than anything I could ever dream of doing and was originally broadcast on 12th October 1976 – I remember exactly where I was when I first heard it. We made sure we stayed in especially.

And if you are still with me – check out this man – a one true diamond of this hard cold world. I had the absolute pleasure of working and talking with him yesterday. I am very lucky.

PS: blogger is rubbish and has decided that everything shoud be in italics even though I keep telling it not to.

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25 Comments
  1. Axe Victim permalink

    Mrs. Axe is totally obsessed with Texas Hold ’em Poker on C*ntbook. I say stop it now before it’s to too late, although I fear that you have gone too far. Those trews were obviously an indicator of your already frazzled mind. Stop poking and start living I say! Mind you, I am just about to plunge headlong into oovoo webinaring with my new webbycam toy thingy. Ooh err! Anyhow, at least you made a new post. You must be averaging one a month now I reckon! Metaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!

  2. rivergirlie permalink

    you should probably be worried by the fact that i totally love your new trousies. and you know about me and trousies!<br/><br/><br/><br/><br/><br/>(but i still totally love them) <br/>xxx<br/><br/>(probably with at least one child – in delayed response to your question somewhere else … can’t remember where)

  3. Hang on to those trousers! They will be just the thing for the Small Faces Reunion Concert.

  4. Istvanski permalink

    Are you referring to his <a href=’http://tazzyandpiggy.com/social/home.php’ rel=’nofollow’>C*ntbook</a>?

  5. llewtrah permalink

    *Jealous* I always wanted leopard print jeans. The best I managed was to use an ink stamp on my faded jeans.

  6. rockmother permalink

    Arabellakins – I order you to go back right away to Well Made and purchase those aforesaid trousers! Ankle zips – cool! Very ‘on-trend’ at the moment you know. Off you go – I want an update as soon as you have purchased them please.<br/><br/>Jimmy Pages Trooserster – Seasick Steve is great. I saw a clip on youtube of that gig and him giving it back some. Quite right too – they should have ejected that eejit out on his ear. You don’t want to get on the wrong side of Seasick Steve – he is very direct and wouldn’t stop short at a quick right hook I am sure if he felt it appropriate.<br/><br/>Mom Madster – aaahh Momo – you are too kind and thank you. Yes – that is why I bought the trousers as I bought them for me – no one else. My heart is split into a zillion atoms over many decades. As for DJ, writing – Carrie Fisher – my god! I wish! And thank you XX<br/><br/>Howeser Trouser – I know – I got a superpoke the other day – what on earth is it? And I keep getting pet hotties – what are they? Sounds like a Furby or a Tamagotchi egg or something?! <br/><br/>Mr Axe Minster Trousers – tell Mrs Axe to stop it immediately! I had to put a status message up saying<br/>"I do not know how to play poker neither am I interested please don’t ask me"<br/><br/>Actually – I am only on c*ntbook because I am nosey and it is a good way of keeping in touch with people abroad etc. Got your OOvoo – is it a bit like Twitter – which I am also on – microblogging I think is the correct term! One post a month – how very dare you! I’ve been working very hard I’ll have you know.<br/><br/>Rivergirlie – oh goodness – what if we both wear our ‘comedy trousers’ whe we meet – it will be a clash of the patterns that’s for sure! And our kids will be uber-mega embarrassed – perfect! What a great plan! I’ll mail you re: meeting up avec les enfants de mortified! xx<br/><br/>Darling Dickley – yes – or I could visit Ronnie in rehab – he may like cheering up seeing as he isn’t allowed a drink!<br/><br/>Ister – I LOVE that – that is BRILLIANT. You are clever to find that. x<br/><br/>Lovely Llewtrah – oh no – that’s so sad – what was the ink stamp of? x

  7. Betty permalink

    I bet you are about a size eight or something, you cow. In which case, go for it.<br/><br/>Every few years, I buy a pair of white jeans, thinking that they’ll look good in the summer, then wear them two or three times at most. It always rains in the summer anyway, so it’s completely pointless … but I’m just in denial about having to face wearing taupe and navy blue separates for the rest of my life. Blazers and, even worse, "slacks". Sob.

  8. Piggy and Tazzy permalink

    Well bugger me! So pleased that someone found our version of C*ntbook! – that didn’t take long, given that we only set it up a couple of days ago!<br/><br/>Hello!<br/><br/>And glad you liked it.

  9. rockmother permalink

    Bettster – oh stop it you silly moo! No – I am more a size 12 unfortunately – haven’t been a size 8 since I had Dengue Fever – it had its merits despite being in a coma for two weeks and nearly dying! Anyway – you are a skinny bean – I’ve seen your amazingly slim hands and arms when you broke your wrist. Do you do the Shake’n’Vac in your slacks? Are they beige? I do hope so. Nothing else but beige will do.<br/>I am currently wafting around in my Margot from The Good Life kaftan with matching emerald velour turban…<br/><br/>Piggy and Tazzy C*ntbooker Lookers – Oooh – how exciting – cybercelebrities! Thank you for dropping by to Romoworld. I am so loving C*ntbook – I shall be joining up tomorrow. C*nt wait!

  10. Piggy and Tazzy permalink

    *laughs*

  11. Piley permalink

    those funky trews look the ideal companions to a night out with the Krankies and Brotherhood of Man…<br/><br/>Your title reminded me of dear departed funnyman Malcolm Hardee, when he picked on a poor girl at a comedy club one night.. "oh dear, look at that… serious case of mutton dressed as mutton" it was one of the evilist lines i’ve heard used, but fkn funny! (not suggest you’d look like that of course….)<br/><br/><br/>Piley (reaching for his spade to dig his hole yet deeper…)

  12. Arabella permalink

    But, but that was a whole week ago and I’ve been on my own eating burritos every day and they’ll never fit again.<br/>Oh somebody slap me.

  13. chazza permalink

    Romo: totally agree with you on that one lol…Eat healthy and hope for the best with a weight loss in the bargin. Health is so much important. <br/><br/>Ive had to scrap the Gym for a long while now..What with the mortgage rise, utility bills, car insurance…etc etc.<br/><br/>Special K is out for me…hate the stuff since they changed the receipy a while back. x x

  14. Planet Mondo permalink

    RM – did you ever have any of these bits? I may add the full set of scans to my f/book photos if you fancy seeing the full set (I sold the original on ebay a while back)<br/><br/><a href=’http://planetmondo.blogspot.com/2008/01/blackmail-boy.html’ rel=’nofollow’> BOY – 1981 Catalogue</a>

  15. Axe Victim permalink

    Romo – ooVoo is the way forward. Just buy a webcam from Curry’s and do what it tells you to do in the idiots guide that comes with it. Then download the free software from http://www.oovoo.com and Bob’s yer Uncle – you can make high quality video calls to anybody else with a webcam and an oovoo account. You have to ‘know’ them first but it’s not hard, and it’s all free! FREE!!! I tell you! I only know one person thus far but it is an amazing thing. All very Thunderbirds and Captain Scarlet etc. It’s great. Forget munterbook.

  16. savannah permalink

    very cool, sugar! LOL@<i>mutton dressed as lamb</i> i haven’t heard that in ages! xoxoxox<br/><br/>(i have a facebook page, but i haven’t done anything with it in ages. . .)

  17. Ronnie will probably be at the reunion rm….not sure about Rod though….very hard to tear him away from his trainset.

  18. Snipperoo permalink

    I knew girls with those trousers. Never knew them well enough to get to take those trousers off, though the sort of girls who wore them were the sort of girls whose trousers I wanted to take off, if you know what I mean. <br/>Don’t take that as a pass though …

  19. Snipperoo permalink

    I don’t think that can have been broadcast in 76? A variation on Spizz Energy? (Did Peely say Athletico Spizz 80?)

  20. rockmother permalink

    Pilester – have you quite finished? Only joking- yes – I know that Malcolm Hardee line – terrible but oh so very funny. <br/><br/>Arabellakins – it doesn’t matter – if they are that tight then they will redistribute and make you look fab! Or – just buy them as an incentive if you are worried about putting on weight. Clearly I am deranged but I can’t help it.<br/><br/>Chazza – twice I have joined the gym in the last five years and I have been oooh let me see – approx three or four times I think? And when I did go I would regularly fall off the treadmill as I was too busy looking at other people and surmising about their lives. I realised that I could cycle everywhere and it doesn’t cost a bean which seemed to make more sense. I can only have Special K if it has a spoonful of sugar on it so I reckon that diet is a no no for me!<br/><br/>Planet Mondo Bongo – oh WOW! Yes – I def had the stripey trousers and used to er…take small things frmo the shop like hairclips and make up. I used to feel a real prat going in in my school uniform – it used to take about two weeks to summon up the courage. Damn – I would have bought that catalogue had I known – I love stuff like that – useless nostalgic ephemera.<br/><br/>Mr Axe Minster Victim – ahhh – is that a PC thingy? If you had an Apple Mac you could just use ichat without having to buy a webcamthingy. Anyway – ooovarvoo sounds fun – will check it out.<br/><br/>Savmarshmamamama – well I had a facebook page where I didn’t have a clue what was going on for a while – now I have 27 peace lilies in a garden that is cared for by the wonderful Rivergirlie and a snowglobe application! I even got 100% on Guess This 80’s Song Quiz. Heeelppp. xxx<br/><br/>Darling Dickley – Ronnie hopefully will be at the reunion although things seem a little dicey at the mo don’t they?<br/><br/>Sniperoo Ivan-ness – well just to out your mind at rest – those trousers were so tight it was nigh impossible to get them off anyway – it usually took at least 20 mins of puffing and panting – and that was just to get the first leg off! <br/><br/>And yes – I bow to your superiority – you are absolutely right – I thought I posted up the Dec 76 John Peel prog – and I posted up the 25/06/80 one – that will teach me for not checking before I hit upload! Thank you for putting me straight.

  21. chazza permalink

    Ha Rom:. . Love your honesty, sure is true though I must agree with laughter all the way. x x

  22. Joanne Casey permalink

    wear those trousers now! Brilliant.

  23. Roman Empress permalink

    Awesome leggage garb from my fave shop. It’s just a bit out of the ordinary in there and the tailoring is a cut above yer average high st joint.

  24. rockmother permalink

    Chazza – cheers – laughter is good for you you know! x<br/><br/>Joanne Casey (the famous one that got into the Guardian!) – I will I will – but it’s a bit hot at the mo!<br/><br/>Roman Empress – yes – I love Urban Outfitters – it’s my favourite shop too. I have got to go the US for work in Sept and the thing I am most excited about is going to Urban Outfitters and having a load up!

  25. chazza permalink

    Yeah so true!. . Living with the Isti I sure do get my fair share, no need for an apple a day keep the doctor at bay. . lolx x

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