Before I put a breeze-block into my lap-top screen and snip the wires of the broadband forever in a feverish rage of ‘can’t do it!’.
I’m offering £100 cash to anyone in London who can come and sort my wireless out (ie: connect a Netgear box to my stupid usb broadband thingy because I am an imbecile and can’t do it). Any offers – where are my mates when I need them?
Got uber-blogitis. Ie: blogging has been feeling a bit like homework lately. I was thinking of giving up like the fabulous surlygirl but decided I’ll give it one more bash. To be fair – my head is a bit full with unsettled home things at the moment and I feel like I’m wading through blancmange some days. Had a bit of a Room 101 moment this week – bloody St George’s Day flags hanging out of white vans really piss me off. And people walking about with those horrid nylon tops with the flag on that too – hate it. Another little quibble is that I really wish people would stop whinging about how many Eastern Europeans there are everywhere. Yes, there do seem to be alot but so what? At least they are working and most likely being paid a pittance compared to what alot of us would be prepared to accept for the same job. There seems to be uproar down my road (mainly with the older residents) as the local shop has put a sign up saying ‘we now stock Polish food’. Integration – what’s wrong with that?
I’m trying amongst other things to write a book at the moment which involves having to wander about and go for coffee somewhere away from the house now and again. All I wanted was a nice quiet coffee yesterday. I headed for a cafe on the the river and found a good spot with a great view. I was just heading for my chair when I noticed a deranged girl coming my way screeching and swinging her shopping bags at me. I then realised I had seen her only five minutes earlier shouting at the rasta that makes fresh expensive smoothies for tourists further up the towpath. She had a carrier bag on each side heavy with fruit. In fact, I think the smoothie-guy had given her the fruit but I can’t be sure. Because I’m rarely shocked by anything I just sort of ignored her and skirted round muttering and tried not to let my finely balanced latte muffin combo be knocked over by her randomly flailing fruit bags. Then I did the thing you are told never to do – I looked her straight in the eye. I can’t help it. I can’t even tell you why I did it but I always have. And nothing, her eyes were dead. Her teeth were chattering and her chin was wobbling which made me think she might have been hallucinating. So I just walked around her and sat down. Finally, she wandered off down the towpath after bashing the owner of the cafe around the neck with her bags which he took really passively which was disturbing in itself. Suddenly, I was besieged by pigeons – lots of them. It was awful. So now I am the one flailing my bag and squeaking madly, well swearing actually, as they swooped, flapped and cooed for my muffin in a un-relenting Hitchcockian fashion.
Basically, I bashed a few really hard and they realised that if they came near they would get hurt so they sort of hovered which was actually just as intimidating. Suddenly, another commotion further down. I could see a woman holding up her mountain bike like a shield protecting herself from the fruit bag girl who was really going for her. It was pretty bad. The fruit girl then turned on a woman with a child in a buggy who was cornered and terrified for a moment unable to get away. Meanwhile the pigeons have taken advantage of the diversion and tried to land on me again. So I got really pissed off and called the police. Of course they seemed to take ages to get there meanwhile more and more people were running down complaining of being set upon by the mad bad fruit girl. Eventually the police arrived and ambled down soooo slowly it was a joke. They sauntered back saying that she had gone too far and they had to go further up to try and corner her. Me, I finished my coffee in one as it was now cold and abandoned my muffin to the birds and went back home. My idyllic twenty minutes on the river was nothing but a fraught moment in time. I’m staying in today.
Awfully sorry for being so tardy. I even had the gall to berate Absent Without Leave
for being as tardy as myself – talk about the pot calling the kettle black.
sex money and html
spinsterella
first nations
annie rhiannon
lost in a common language
dissolute ravings from the padded cell
pickled politics
and of course my boss Robert Swipe – I have to comment on his site and keep him in check as I am his long-suffering Area State Co-ordinator you know! Just going off to vote – oo-er – such choice! What else? Am currently reading Tourism by Nirpal Dhaliwal – not finished yet – got embroiled in a debate over at pickled politics about it. Julie Burchill is quoted as proclaiming that ‘it is the best debut I have ever read’. Christ – it’s not that good – in fact – it’s ok in parts but nevertheless bloody lazy, jumped up writing. Well, we all know Julie’s mad and got a funny voice. Here’s what I wrote as my potted review: It is remarkably self-centred and self-congratulatory. It’s certainly not ‘Money’ (which you feel he kind of aspires to) and it is almost a bit like a ‘lad’s’ lazy Bridget Jones. I can imagine it being serialised and then packed up in plastic for free on the front of the Observer before long.
He’s not a bad writer – but I think there is a better book to be had out of him. Or perhaps he will suffer from Alex Garland syndrome and dry up?? Who knows. Him and his wife seem to have fashioned themselves as the Posh and Becks of the literary world. No wonder they are both on the receiving end of so much backlash.
Perhaps I was a little harsh – I know how hard it is to write anything well let alone a book.
Anyway – I really am going off to vote now.
Laters all.
Rockmother x
Do you think she put a bag over his head? Looks like he has cracking office parties!
“Eee that were smashing love – I’ll give yer 10 out of ten”
combover
Originally uploaded by rockmother.
If there is anyone out there and you haven’t abandoned the boredom of my blog yet – SORRY – I haven’t given up just been trying to get my life in order which is a little complicated at moment. In a nutshell – go away to get mutual ‘space’ re: relationship. It seems 12 hours away on a plane wasn’t far enough. Came back to no job and possibly no relationship. Hmm. Here’s a picture I took of a man in a cafe in Spain when he wasn’t looking to cheer you all up.
He was also wearing a medallion and grey slip on shoes – I kid you not! Hilarious.
Should be packing for me and small boy but distracting myself with other tasks such as blethering on on my lately neglected blog. Am off to Thailand to see friends with nanny, pool, and driver for two weeks. Perfect. Just me and small boy – I won’t go into great detail for fear of my blog becoming one of those ‘my family life is going down the pan’ sensationalist ‘let me tell you all my personal details’ type things. Need a bit of space right now. I’ll leave it at that.
Last time I went on a plane with then 2.5 year old we went en famille (the three of us) to Australia. Not too bad although I must admit to administering Medised at least once each way (every parents godsend at some time or another). This time he is 4.5 and soooooo excited which is quite good as I intend to run him around the park for about three hours in the afternoon so he will crawl onto the flight and hopefully beg to be allowed to go to sleep for the duration. Last time it was ok but he ended up stretching out across us both like a little miniature windmill – I fear some poor nameless passenger in the next seat this trip will get insistent toes and sharp elbows jabbing them in the thigh every 20 minutes. Anyway…… Lots of things have irritated me this week: 1. Discovering that they are now manufacturing Marmite in a squeezy bottle – wrong. In fact, any food or condiment in a squeezy bottle I find utterly odious! Give me Room 101 and it will all be splurged in there in one big final squeeze – even the new glutinously squeezy Branston Pickle in a bloody handy squeezy bottle. Bleurgh. 2. Myself by reading 2 extremely depressing (but good) books back to back – Stuart: A Life Backwards which made me really sad and frustrated and Towelhead which was bittersweet but again pretty depressing. I’ve now started The Kite Runner but fear that is going the same way so I might have to stop and find something else a bit ‘funnier’. 3. People driving and walking too slowly 4. Traffic wardens 5. The theme tune to Fifi and The Flowertots. Guaranteed insomnia. 6. My neighbours for playing the piano badly really late at night and not letting their dog in from the garden where it headbutts the backdoor incessantly – finally they let it in usually after I go out and shout ‘Someone let the bloody dog in’ or they suddenly just remember! 7. Really annoying teenagers on train listening to shit music on their mobile phone full blast so it is too distorted to hear what it actually is and then speaking to each other like Ice T even though they are white 8. Myself for forgetting that I’m not 17 anymore and wasting my own time by trying on silly and unsuitable garments in Top Shop 9. Myself – for leaving everything to the last minute Better go before I definately turn into a boring old buffer. Like I’m bovvered! Next update from Thailand. Toodlepip.
Was surfing Gumtree this morning for someone to help pick up my son from school part-time and came across this ad:
Hi, Thanks a lot for clicking on my advert. I am in lots of problems and I need help of someone who is kind and who probably understands how difficult life is when you are going through bad time.I am going through the worst time of my life and gumtree is the last resort for me. My problems are financial and although I need lots of money to sort some very important things out in my life, I would really appreciate any kind of help at all.
In return I will do anything for you in the evenings and/or weekends and will return your money with interest as soon as my circumstances get better. I am a well educated professional guy and due to some personal circumstances I am in this situation. I am 29 and will consider everything as I am really desperate.
Please be kind, its very important for me. I have a full time Monday – Friday job so I could be your assistant/help you in computing/accounting, cleaning, cooking, shopping or could even be your servant in the evenings and weekends. My circumstances are only temporary so I will repay every penny as soon as possible and in future if you will ever need my help, i will be there for you.
Help me come out of this mess. I will be indebted to you forever and someone somewhere will help you as well when you need it most. Serious replies only please. I need help not grief so please don’t be judgemental. Thanks a lot I was wondering if anyone had replied and then toyed with the idea of tracking the poster down with a view to making a documenatry about him/her but then realised that I have enough problems of my own without adding any more. The ad is unbelievably desperate and extraordinary considering they have a full-time job Mon-Fri! Weird weird weird.
Just got in from big night out at awards do and was heartened to hear what I thought was another cab outside off-loading someone in a similar state to myself ( tipsy – not steaming). Then I realised
(a) the birds are singing(b) it wasn’t someone in a cab it was the milkman and
(c) i’ve got to be up in 3 hours Does that make me bad person? Goodness I hope not. Night night.
Aaahh. Home after a long time not being at home! Life is weird at the moment. I’ve been at home approx 14 days since beg Dec 2005. I know. That’s pretty bad. And what have I got to show for it? Muchos tiredness, struggling to keep a relationship together, and terrible separation from my son. It has played havoc with the relationship I have with my son’s father. It seems like we have have spent so long apart that we might as well stay apart – forever. It’s hard – and all for what? A load of old codswallop advertising….I’m going to try and stay positive about this but I feel really spent. I’ve never felt so exhausted and useless in my life. The times they are a changing…………….
Rockmother 