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My new friends Katie and Pete

August 19, 2006

Here are my new friends Katie and Pete. They are really down to earth and have a huge house in the country. Didn’t see the kids but had to help them get organised around the house. Couldn’t believe that they were so nice and well, ordinary really. The kitchen was indeed just like it is in this picture and Pete was wearing a similar tracksuit to the one above – I even made him laugh by cracking a joke. They get on really well and she’s really nice. The only thing that struck me was that they have had all their staircases ripped out and replaced by incredibly slippery, steep wooden bespoke ones. Hardly very practical with 2 toddlers around the place. I nearly slipped on the turn of the top staircase as I carried boxes of stuff down for them from one of the upstairs bedrooms. I saw their bed – it was huuuuge – Elvis proportions. Seriously, you could have fitted at least 8 adults in it comfortably. It looked so long it was ridiculous. She told me that it was a bit of a pain as they have to have all their sheets, duvets and duvet covers made especially and it costs a fortune. At the end of the bed they had a little put-me-up with a plain pink and white blanket on it. I guess that was for one of the kids. Anyway, as it was getting dark Katie asked me to take some stuff to the car which was parked by the main gate of their mansion. She said that the photographers were all lurking behind the tall laurel bushes at the front and that they were a real pain. Could I take a few boxes of paperwork to the car for her?. The car was a dirty white Peugot 405 – I guess it’s their runaround vehicle. I felt embarrassed as I was shifting stuff in my 40’s silk slip at the time and I had ugg boots on my feet. She said don’t worry and lent me some of her clothes. It was awful. Tarty top, jeans and the worst – powder blue Timberland lace up boots with white soles – really Essex chav – oh – and a Von Dutch baseball cap which I absolutely hated. I went out and did it anyway – they’ve got a housekeeper who is a really common frumpy girl called Tina – don’t know why she was there although we were kind of working together. As we walked out to the car I suddenly realised that the paparazzi were going to get confused and Katie had deliberately dressed me up like her as a decoy. Of course I panicked as they took loads of photo’s of me. I had only been in the Sunday Mirror the week before doing the same thing for Meg Matthews and suddenly got worried that they were now going to try and find out who I really was – this girl from nowhere helper to the stars. Then I thought – oh it’s ok – I’ll just smile and be me. Tina just stood there laughing and waving at them but they weren’t that interested in her.

Then I realised I was actually in my own bed, me, Rockmother and was secretly relieved as the thought that I had been seen out and put on the front of the Sunday Mirror in powder blue Timberlands was really bothering me. I got up and made a jug of fresh coffee, sat in the garden, listened to the wind rushing through the trees and laughed.

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  1. Billy permalink

    Is she sat in the sink? Or is that an Aga? A pink Aga.<br/><br/>*runs away screaming*

  2. realdoc permalink

    It is billy. It’s a pink aga.<br/>Powder blue timberlands lovely (ironic)

  3. I’m sure your friends are very nice and ordinary rm but I am familiar with the slippery staircase set. No handrails of course and please take your shoes off for the true, high gloss ‘real wood’ experience. Care for a grilled Portobello mushroom?<br/><br/>It’s one of the reasons I left England. That and decimal coinage. Whenever I do go back I have a special pair of socks I use with old condoms sewn on the bottom. Cheers Dick.

  4. rockmother permalink

    Yes it’s a pink aga. Isn’t it disgusting? Dick – your slippers sound charming. Everybody get the Sunday Mirror tomorrow – I’m a star. Oh, I forgot. I’m just little old me that ate too much cheese before I went to bed last night.

  5. Molly Bloom permalink

    I’m much more interested in your 40’s silk slip. With the Ugg Boots. RoMo..will you marry me? I know I asked Kate Bush yesterday…but I’ve changed my mind. <br/><br/>You’re far, far nicer than Katie. No, I won’t be having you doing her double. I won’t have it I say!

  6. rockmother permalink

    Well I wasn’t very happy about being Katie’s double especially with such disgusting footwear. My 40’s slip and ugg combo is my standard early morning blogging attire until I realise that I really must get dressed. I put the rubbish out and everything with them on. No shame.<br/><br/>PS: did you notice Olive’s amazing turquoise layered negligee in On The Buses last week?

  7. Robert A. Swipe permalink

    "I was shifting stuff in my 40’s silk slip at the time "<br/><br/>That’s *exactly* what Alan Yentob told me when I arsked him if it was him I saw drib=ving a silver BMW through St. Ives in June….<br/><br/><br/><br/>*Great* podcast – I meant to meat-mail you, but I was waiting outside the BHF shop until 14:44 for someone in the Me-Jah to turn up.<br/><br/>If only I’d waited another minute, eh???

  8. First Nations permalink

    i am confused and the stove frightens me.<br/><br/>the drugs really ARE better in the UK, arent they.<br/><br/>crap.

  9. rockmother permalink

    First Lady of Sumas – no I think it’s that the drugs don’t work anymore! Don’t be confused – I was when I woke up but I’ve faced the fact I’m not going to be a pseudo z-list celeb after all. x

  10. Istvanski permalink

    I still can’t get over the colour of that cooker.<br/><br/>Do you think it was custom made at the Aga factory?<br/><br/>Or did they get a dodgy back street car mechanic to do a re-spray job on it (along with Katie’s top)?

  11. Heather permalink

    You honestly had me for a minute there RoMo. <br/>I was buying it until she asked you to go outside. <br/>I’m not sure whether your good writing or my gullability was responsible.<br/><br/>I had a lovely but rather upsetting dream the other day. Somehow I’d ended up at some sort of party with all the members of Motley Crue and Guns’n’Roses (in their 1980’s prime, not that I fancy any of Motley Crue *ahem*). Things were about to get very, very interesting…<br/><br/>and then my alarm went off. <br/><br/><br/>Bastard.

  12. Istvanski permalink

    Funny you should say that Heather.<br/><br/>I recently dreamt of G’n’R (why name a rock band after a train operating company?), Metallica and Faith No More involving water sports live on stage.<br/><br/>Hang on…that really did happen.

  13. rockmother permalink

    I went to see The Stones last night and suddenly had a flashback to a dream I’d had in the late 80’s that Keith Richards was my boyfriend. He came round to my flat in Kilburn wearing a dodgy fringed leather jacket and we went out to dinner. It was lovely. I woke up just before we snogged. My brain – I despair!

  14. rockmother permalink

    Heather – I like to think I had you going due to my good writing – oh I hope so! There’s nothing wrong with being gullible – it’s a charming quality.<br/><br/>Istvanski – listened to the first 10 mins of your podcast – I’m giving up – yours is superb. Going to listen to the rest shortly. By the way – who is that miserable sod that berated you for doing a podcast on your blog? I’m afraid I told them off…only a little bit.

  15. Heather permalink

    RoMo, you missed out on a dream smooch with a guitar god and I missed out on a potential hairmetal orgy. Although I’d have had to kick Mick Mars out first (uurrgh). That man makes Bob sound attractive.<br/><br/>Knowing my luck though I’d have woken up even if my alarm hadn’t gone off.<br/><br/>Nice to hear that Keef is a good date. Did he take you anywhere special for dinner?

  16. Billy permalink

    If I had to destroy everything in the room bar one thing… I’d leave the teapot. I quite like that.

  17. Istvanski permalink

    Miserable sod = me mate.<br/>He wasn’t being rude with those questions…I’ve only just introduced him to the podcast concept (prior to that he was unaware of their existence).<br/><br/>However, I liked the sentiment that went along with you sticking up for me. How chivalrous…thank you.

  18. little purl one permalink

    I have to be honest and say I’m not too bothered about the Aga – what I’m really fascinated by is the fact that undoubtedly the whole thing cost a fortune, but the tiles behind the Aga and the cupboard doors look like MFI jobs – how does this work? The world is so terribly strange….

  19. rockmother permalink

    and cheap and common and vulgar – but rich! and happy?

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