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Stereo MC’s – On 33

What a bloody corker of a track this is. 1989. On 33. Stereo MC’s. One of my favourite bands ever. I always thought Rob looked a bit wispy and scary in a really stoned sort of way. He has very unhealthily sunken cheeks. This sort of music inspires me to another podcast. Sharpen your ears dears – there is one in the making….for now you will have to regress with this.

Just what is it that you want to do?
We wanna be free
We wanna be free to do what we wanna do
And we wanna get loaded
And we wanna have a good time

I had a great time in my Stereo MC days – it’s all a bit hazy now – like really smoky and sweet-smelling – aaahhh those were the days.

Switch It On Dear

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Yes, I think we can hear it. It’s a podcast coming through loud and clear. No 19. Is that all? You can listen to and download it here

Don’t forget to vote! I have slipped to just outside the Top 50 downloads which simply will not do. Please spread the word of The Rockmother. You know it makes sense.

Muttonmother

Oh dear – I really must revive my flagging blogposting-ness. I’ve been far too busy fending off 54 unwanted Hold’em Poker requests and Compare Your Friends Pants surveys on c*ntbook to even get time to concoct a blog post. I’ve even been enveigled into playing Scrabble at 08:00 of a morning and once been late to take the ginger Squidget to school as a result of feverishly ‘trying to place my bingo!’. For those not in the know of really important online things such as Scrabularse – that’s when you score 80 points with one word. All I got was a request to fill the late book and a bit of a scowl from the school receptionist. Cow.

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I made a purchase this week. I made a ridiculous purchase this week. I made a purchase so thoroughly ridiculous that when I described it to my friend Thom yesterday he genuinely snorted like a pig. I knew he wouldn’t understand – he was born in 1982 for god’s sake. Anyway, back to my story.

Are you sitting comfortably? (You will need to sit down – just warning you). Now I’ll begin.

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Once upon a time, I had a pair of trousers I was really proud of. It was 1979. I was 13. I’m not quite sure what happened to those lovely trousers. I think they were impounded and thrown away by my mother who was scared that I would ‘become wild’ if I wore them any longer. So this weekend I was working in Covent Garden and went for a bit of a wander into Urban Outfitters – a favourite clothes haunt of mine. I picked up this and that and tried a few things on. And then I saw theeeeeese:

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Pink and black faded leopard print very very very tight jeans. If you can imagine the picture above is really a much shorter 3-dimensional plasticine model and if you squash it a bit with your hand so it splurges out the sides and looks a bit fatter – that’s what I look like in them. Actually, not that bad but not quite svelte 13 again that’s for sure. I had a ‘hang on, do I look a bit mutton in them moment – for about a millisecond – and then in a fit of revisited teenage fever I bought them.
So far – I have worn them in the changing room of the shop twice (you see – I really did have to convince myself) and once in the bathroom at home. I was thinking recently that I should probably try and lose half a stone. I have done a lot of running in my head but so far not any real life running. I was sort of experimenting with the idea of whether I could indeed think myself thin? I bought the trousers thinking that they would be the catalyst for a rigorous self-induced weight-loss programme but rather fantastically because they are so tight they squidge everything cleverly re-distributing here and there and I actually don’t look that bad in them at all.

Goodness knows when I shall wear them but I shall.

mutton

Noun
1. the flesh of mature sheep, used as food
2. mutton dressed as lamb an older woman dressed up to look young [Medieval Latin multo sheep]

In the continuing absence of a Listen With Rockmother podcast please listen to this instead – it is much better than anything I could ever dream of doing and was originally broadcast on 12th October 1976 – I remember exactly where I was when I first heard it. We made sure we stayed in especially.

And if you are still with me – check out this man – a one true diamond of this hard cold world. I had the absolute pleasure of working and talking with him yesterday. I am very lucky.

PS: blogger is rubbish and has decided that everything shoud be in italics even though I keep telling it not to.

Bacofoil Anyone?

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Goodness, Agnetha looks reaaally pissed off doesn’t she? I can sort of see why. What on earth were they thinking of? I know – let’s wrap ourselves in a continuous strip of Bacofoil and stand in front of the Swedish flag – it’ll look really good I promise. Do you think they used a whole roll? And do you think they went ‘commando’ or were they wearing pants? I wonder if they recycled it for a slap up barbecue after the shoot?

It’s the Wimbledon Men’s Final tomorrow – yaaaaawnnn – Geoff has written a great piece on the demise of tennis due to that hateful extra inch. I wholeheartedly agree with him and would rather watch this – it is infinitely more entertaining. Check out the serve action.

Toodlepip. Sayonara. Kalimera. Adios. Night night. Good morning. Hello. Bye. Later.

I Am An Idiot

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Rather scarily my hard drive is nearly full. This is mainly due to the fact I have nearly 6000 photo’s stored in my iPhoto. 6000!? I know – and most of them are of my son or his things (see above) or really unflattering ones he has taken of me whilst I’m driving the car or extreme close ups of my bottom as I am bending over in my bikini on holiday – horrendous . And I have a lot of music stored too. Big hefty files. So I bought an external pocket drive. Today I transferred all my photo’s across to it which means I can now delete the originals on the hard drive in order to free up space. Yes. That makes perfect sense. Even though I know and can see that all of the photo’s have transferred successfully to the external drive I can not bring myself to delete the originals clogging up the hard drive. I just can’t do it. I have a mortal fear of something going wrong and losing the photo’s forever. I am a true idiot. A dolt. A silly bird. So I’m going to take it into work on Monday and embarrass myself further by showing it all to an IT person and sit there while they look at me pretending not to show that they think I am a total moron whilst convincing me that it really is absolutely fine just to delete the files. All 8GB of them. But before I do – here are some I took today of the Squidget and a balloon that we drew a face onto and released.

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She gazes adoringly…

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Balloonhead

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Oooh..help…I’m not sure

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Off she goes…(excuse the pyjamas)

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Well, it’s better than watching telly or pulling wings off flies or doing sensible things like deleting files you don’t need anymore because you have just made a perfectly good back-up copy.

Square Eyes

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Tonight – I am mainly watching extremely shit telly. I need to. I’m already halfway through Gok’s Fashion Fix which will segue into the most revolting reality show for quite some time – Celebrity Rehab – oh yes!

I found this today – Chaka Khan playing the drums! Far out baby.

Normal service will be resumed by tomorrow.

The Stuff Of Nightmares

Mine. No it ‘s mine now.

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So Robert Mugabe gets stripped of his knighthood and it is given to Salman Rushdie instead – cue the resurgence of the fatwa that everyone forgot about…goodness…spin and politics has come a long way – especially as the move seems to be rather conveniently coinciding with the Mandela concert celebration. Naomi – naaaaaaaoooow! You can’t come on stage – you can stay at the very back of the top tier because you’ve been bad and for god’s sake don’t wear that hat with my prison number on it again you cow. Amy – naaaaaaooooow! You can’t meet Mr Mandela as your lifestyle isn’t something we would like to align ourselves with thank you you wheezy young girl you. Well that put them in their place didn’t it? The stuff of nightmares.

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The politics of fear. And real fear. Fear…..and tall buildings….that rotate…on different floors…at different times. Even looking at the rather crudely put together press promo film
here makes me want to cry with utter fear. The London Eye is bad enough – I spent the top third section sitting on the middle bench having to look at my fingernail in macro detail in order to block out any peripheral vision until we were ‘over the hump’ as it were. Hideous. Anyway – back to the Dubai 79 independently revolving floors at any one time building – very clever and supposedly energy efficient which must be a good thing but by god – how scary is it? You won’t get me there – ever. I still get recurrent nightmares of driving over the West Gate bridge in Melbourne.

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It is like a steep coil crossed with a rollercoaster. Try driving with vertigo – not funny. In fact, so un-funny I still dream about it but in my dream the road runs out but I always wake up on time. Funny that?

Start Monday With This And Be Happy All Week

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Here is a classic – a rare longer version of Kool and the Gang’s Summer Madness with vocals mixed by Roy Ayers – play it and the rest of the week will be balmy and summery and woozy – perfect.

Puppies Needed

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Good god – no wonder she lost the race – sack the stylist! Can someone please get Senator Clinton a bra NOW? Well Hillary could get her own bra – a Wonderbra and enter their new competition – from D to G or something like that. Harumph – a little sizeist for those who sport a mere B cup thank you…Anyway – I am surprised LC hasn’t written about this yet seeing as he is the bloggers boob man at large but I digress. Wonderbra are running a competitiion – anyone can enter. I did say boobs not moobs just in case any of my male readers were thinking this was their only chance for a long-awaited 15 minutes of moobfame. Get yourself down to 1a Leicester Square on 28th June. Once you are in you will be probably herded like a sheep that no one likes into various places to fill in a form about yourself and wait and wait and wait. Finally, it will be your turn to take your top off and have your photo taken – the emphasis being on cleavage. Yes – Wonderbra want your cleavage! Some lucky person will end up on huge billboards – a homage to the original ‘hello boys’ campaign as fronted by Eva Herzigova. This time it could be you (or me) or you (or me) or you.

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Kiss my cleavage Wonderbra!

The Fall In The Back Of My Notebook – Discovered

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I think I meant to post this in April but have only just found it scribbled and lost in the back of last months notebook. I worked with Mark E Smith and The Fall in April 2008, Iread his book and I listened to their new album. Here are my scribbled notes from that time. I have transcribed them as is grammatical errors and note-form abound.

The anticipation.
Can I pare down the rider a bit? Just 40 fags and 48 cans of Holstein Pils then? Legends aren’t often as legend-like when you eventually meet them. With legends – the stories of legend precede them. Most are often embellished or misunderstood or a misunderstanding that have two sides to the story – one often unheard. The thing I have always liked about Mark E Smith is his scary ordinariness. I always liked the fact he dressed how he did/does. He has had a lot of flak about it over the years – people seem to forget that most punks in ’76 started out dressing like that. Generally, it was because most people in bands starting out were in jobs and the bands were also born out of pub rock. Punk evolved out of pub rock. So many bands have been referred to as punk like Eddie and the Hot Rods. They weren’t ever punk – they were a pub rock band. Ian Curtis was like that. He always wore smart trousers and a shirt. Same thing.

Imperial Wax Solvent starts out very unexpectedly gently with Alton Towers. I like the off-set rhythms and the nightmarish seesaw of funfair churn. A sort of musical queasiness – it sounds bewitching and entrancing but it is really very bad and a bit sinister. I’ve Been Duped –great sound and strength of sound. Raw – can hear it. Mark can sing too – and rasp and drawl. Latchkey Kid – conjures up lots of images – the boy in Kes for some reason and my revisited feeling of putting my own key in the door knowing no one would be home for hours. A slightly sinking lonely feeling in a way.

He made an entrance – behind the curtain, pink and black carrier bag, a plastic bag. Greenaway (guitar) looking terrified, Melling looking hard and Spurr toughing it out – the energy. Quick and fast and to the point. What you see is what you get. No more. No less. Was I the only one tapping my foot? One camera operator spent the whole time dwith his mouth agape in a seizure-style skeletal grin-ace. A sort of half grin half grimace. Mark E Smith moved slowly and with measured purpose. Very relaxed. Not bothered by the criss-cross of mic cables gathering around his ankles. No one flinched when he whacked up the bass amp – that’s better. He raged through Wolf Kidult. Latchkey Kid petered out with Mark E Smith deciding enough was enough and that was it. Come on kids. I saw him secretly laughing. I like the military precision of the band. Down tools, all walk off single file. Most obedient.

Alton Towers – kaleidoscopic nausea. Always on cue – every time. Fresh, exciting and new – does what it says on the tin as endorsed by MES. I went for a walk in cyberspace . Someone has bothered to make a suitcase font of Mark E Smith’s writing. For god’s sake – what would you need that for? Anyway – I have some of my own as he very kindly signed my book for me.

Keiron M (drums) looked at one point as if he was psychically trying to tell Mark E Smith that he was dying and couldn’t keep going for much longer such was the unforgiving and endless fantastic precision of his drumming. Likewise, Spurr had gone to somewhere else in finite bass land. Eleni looked effortlessly on top of everything and stood aside while Mark had one last fiddle with the Roland. Such was the energy that I felt as if I had run over a precipice Scooby Doo style – been waggling my legs round and round for 15 mins now. Suddenly – it was all over – bang crash thud to the ground. Back to un-Fall world.
I liked it over there.

© Rockmother 2008