Rockmother

Well I was going to put up a photo but I can’t even do that – I think I’ve been sabotaged by Blogger. Goodness – I’ve only been away for two days and such concern for my welfare and absence of blog. It’s me, I’m here, hello, cuckoo! (I love that song – Istvanski – who was it again? Some garage band from US somewhere – can’t remember). Maybe the scary be-bustiered Robert Smith lookeelikee is actually head of Blogger UK and has done me up like a kipper?

Camping was hilarious by the way – photo’s up tomorrow – quite possibly the worst but most entertaining campsite I’ve ever stayed at in my life and yes – I ate burnt sausages and yes! – I played swingball and yes – it rained very heavily and was awfully windy and yes – we laughed and laughed and laughed!!

Hope this works – thanks Bettster for the tip re: re-publishing.

Nighty night campers x

Despite suffering from a new phenomenon – Podcast Eye Syndrome – and seriously considering eye-bag surgery – The Romo For Real 4 is up and running here

Have lovely bank holidays won’t you my British readers. Me? I foolishly agreed to do this:

Word from the party that have gone ahead say and I quote “it’s like a bloody refugee camp here – chaos”. Thoughts running through my mind at that precise moment mainly because this is the first time I’ve had the chance to be completely on my own in the house all weekend are:
how can I wriggle out of this?
I’d rather stay at home
I really don’t want to go BUT…we’ve been invited by friends so I guess I’ll just have to lump it and throw myself into the heady rounds of more burnt sausages, squabbling, communal bogs, that intermittent tent zip ripping noise which always makes me laugh for some reason, damp loo paper and endless swingball contests. So The Mother of all that is Rock is off for a couple of days but I’ve left something for you to listen to while I’m camping it up on the West Sussex coast. Hi de Hi. Ho de bloody Ho! It’s by the sea so I guess it’s not that bad. I’ll take copious notes and photo’s of campsite munters for my return. Ta ra. (Actually – I’m going back to bed for more sleep and will go down later – I’m not rushing!)

Yes of course the title is a pathetic attempt to get more hits. I’m scaling down my operation people as blogspot is taking over my somewhat busy life of late. I will keep posting and will attempt to do another poohcast tonight (nurse! nurse!). I’ve also got a post planned on my trip to Twickers to see the Stones but for now you’ll have to make do with a picture I took of a booby boiler on the Silverlink – quite possibly the most infuriating train line ever and mainly full of weirdo’s, thieves and hoody-scum – but good people watching though. Had to change carriage as I think she might have noticed what I was doing. Whatevva! He was having a good ogle and all…

and here are her legs which actually look not bad – it was all much worse in the unkind light of the carriage I can assure you.

Went to Eel Pie Island on Saturday for a walk around (just after I missed Bob Swipe by a gnats hair at the BHF shop) which mainly consists of going over the bridge, ignoring the sign that says PRIVATE and walking down the path ogling at all the funny little hand-built houses – especially this one with lots of action men scaling the front shrubbery

and then getting to the dead end which smells of raw sewage – not nice – and turning back again passing a group of Scottish tourists on the way who were marvelling at it all despite the smell. At the end there is a very big house with a very big fence and a sign that says this:

Sort of sums up how I feel at the moment.
Over and out.

Sorry my little choux buns – been working very late the last few days and yes – more podcast hell looming as is epic post on my foray to see The Stones at the weekend. I’ve been a bit dumb-struck as it was so incredibly good. They are playing tonight and I can hear bits coming through the air from a mile away. I took loads of photo’s too – will post them up tomorrow night maybe. Until then – stock up on the best podcasters around – current new pods of cast from young Billy, the raving bonkers but hugely talented Istvanski and wunnerful be-callipered Bob.

Love you bless you keep you. Mwah!

Here are my new friends Katie and Pete. They are really down to earth and have a huge house in the country. Didn’t see the kids but had to help them get organised around the house. Couldn’t believe that they were so nice and well, ordinary really. The kitchen was indeed just like it is in this picture and Pete was wearing a similar tracksuit to the one above – I even made him laugh by cracking a joke. They get on really well and she’s really nice. The only thing that struck me was that they have had all their staircases ripped out and replaced by incredibly slippery, steep wooden bespoke ones. Hardly very practical with 2 toddlers around the place. I nearly slipped on the turn of the top staircase as I carried boxes of stuff down for them from one of the upstairs bedrooms. I saw their bed – it was huuuuge – Elvis proportions. Seriously, you could have fitted at least 8 adults in it comfortably. It looked so long it was ridiculous. She told me that it was a bit of a pain as they have to have all their sheets, duvets and duvet covers made especially and it costs a fortune. At the end of the bed they had a little put-me-up with a plain pink and white blanket on it. I guess that was for one of the kids. Anyway, as it was getting dark Katie asked me to take some stuff to the car which was parked by the main gate of their mansion. She said that the photographers were all lurking behind the tall laurel bushes at the front and that they were a real pain. Could I take a few boxes of paperwork to the car for her?. The car was a dirty white Peugot 405 – I guess it’s their runaround vehicle. I felt embarrassed as I was shifting stuff in my 40’s silk slip at the time and I had ugg boots on my feet. She said don’t worry and lent me some of her clothes. It was awful. Tarty top, jeans and the worst – powder blue Timberland lace up boots with white soles – really Essex chav – oh – and a Von Dutch baseball cap which I absolutely hated. I went out and did it anyway – they’ve got a housekeeper who is a really common frumpy girl called Tina – don’t know why she was there although we were kind of working together. As we walked out to the car I suddenly realised that the paparazzi were going to get confused and Katie had deliberately dressed me up like her as a decoy. Of course I panicked as they took loads of photo’s of me. I had only been in the Sunday Mirror the week before doing the same thing for Meg Matthews and suddenly got worried that they were now going to try and find out who I really was – this girl from nowhere helper to the stars. Then I thought – oh it’s ok – I’ll just smile and be me. Tina just stood there laughing and waving at them but they weren’t that interested in her.

Then I realised I was actually in my own bed, me, Rockmother and was secretly relieved as the thought that I had been seen out and put on the front of the Sunday Mirror in powder blue Timberlands was really bothering me. I got up and made a jug of fresh coffee, sat in the garden, listened to the wind rushing through the trees and laughed.

Yes – it’s up and running and everybody’s got a seat. The Romo For Real 3 has been unleashed into the annals of podcast hell! Listen to it on the bus, on the train or just really loud at home. Any degree of feedback rude or otherwise most welcome. I’ll be reading out your letters and top tips next week! Press here for more witterings from the Mother of all that is Rock.

Cheerio my little rock lobsters!

Here’s Green Man for Little Purl One. He’s just over forty and going strong enjoying a climb around the garden. He’s not as frightening as he looks but has trouble making friends.

and welcome to podcast hell. Thank you all for your encouraging and kind comments re: the last podcast. I’m really enjoying doing them by the way despite not being able to upload a bunch of tracks due to protection. I guess if I was an artist and didn’t want to be ripped off then I suppose I would do the same but it ain’t half annoying. As you will see I’m having to seriously multi-task these days. I’m half way through The Romo For Real 3. I started it last night but it needs some work. I wasn’t in the mood and sounded a bit like a suicidal Dave Lee Travis. Because I don’t quite yet want to be relegated to the dusty corridors of podcast quiet fm I though I would spend a bit more time on it for you my little pop-pickers. I’m trying to develop effects and jingles at the moment – oh yes – and I’m in talks for a very exclusive joint cast at some point in the future – so watch this space. If only I was as clever and quick as Bob – he’s up to no.10 now – bastard. I bet it’s really good too. And Billy‘s just about to release one – ooh it’s all gone flipping podcast crazy here! So – what else is going on in the land of t’internet these days? Well of course there has been an inordinate amount of space used up by people searching for girlwithaonetrackblog as I like to call her or variations on that including arsesex, fekarse, skinflute et al. Boring. Boring Boring. Yaaaawn. I think she should change her name again and write proper books. She can write well. Instead she’ll probably become a presenter for some hideous reality show – Sexual Deviant Island or an agony aunt for the The Sex Toy Channel (have you got a crowbar and some muscle relaxant? It’s just that I’m trapped in a woman’s body (old Victor Lewis Smith joke) ) or somesuch. Oh well.

I drew this the other day

then that person drew this of me

then I drew this

and then that person drew this of me

what’s the link? Apart from the fact we’ve all got wonky eyes and can’t draw very well.

Bye for now my little cherubs.

“It’s better than horse” says Bob Swipe

“It’s kept me on the straight and narrow – and that’s saying something!” says Dick Headley

“I find Listen With Rockmother the most perfect companion for when I’m waiting for my curlers to heat up and getting through a packet of Boasters” says Mollster

Yes – the second podcast from the rocket of the crypt that is Rockmother is up and running – and no, contrary to popular opinion I podcasted sober but still didn’t manage to get an early night.

You can find it here – just scroll down all the gumph and press Listen where you see The Romo For Real 2.

Enjoy pop-pickers. And don’t forget – I’m doing requests and reading out your letters on the next one!

Yes – it’s finally here. My first proper podcast. It started off on the kitchen table and ended up in bed mainly because it took so bloody long to do despite the fact it’s only 45 mins long. I hope you all like it. I began with the intention of dedicating tracks to all (5) of my readers and then got side-tracked. Those that I neglected will be on the next installment I promise. I’ve been waiting for an ext mic which finally turned up yesterday. Looks like it’s incompatible with my powerbook and then I realised I could have used the built-in mic all along. It’s not as good as an ext mic so do bear with us here at Rockmother Radio. Do drop me a line and let me know what you think. I’ve obviously got delusions of grandeur already – I mean, it’s not like it’s a live radio show or anything but I forgot when I was doing it that it wasn’t. That’s probably why it took so long as I did the thing normal dj’s do like dance around to the tracks and drink copious amounts of alcohol while they were playing instead of just cobbling it all together quickly and going to bed at a decent time. Anyway – here it is. Woof woof as Arnold (Ed Stewpot’s dog) would say.